When I thought that years of therapy and personal work had allowed me to overcome old patterns of "shrinking" and "making myself small", I moved back to Spain and they all wanna come back...full force! Well, you know what? F*ck that! I'm committed to celebrate myself.
I arrived in Spain with my husband last winter leaving behind a successfull and solid life in NY to pursue and create the life we really wanted. We came with such strength and trust in our potential, in our capacity, in our gifts and in our love. What we didn't expect was, not just a full blown global pandemic, but the awakening of our deepest, most primitive, fears we thought conquered.
My old inner voices of "don't stand our", "be discrete", "you are going to be ridiculed", "don't be arrogant", "you have no clue", "you are a fraud", etc. came full force as soon as I set foot in my home town, Madrid. These sound familiar to you, don't they? And what's most interesting is that it's not just voices, it's our whole nervous system reacting automatically to an environment which it perceives as dangerous and threatening. It's a reflex chain of behaviors, sensations, expressions, emotions and thoughts which, from fear, take over your life. It's the way my stomach shrinks each time I want to say no to someone and I can't, it's the way my blood rushes through my face when I don't dare express my opinion to someone I respect, it's the way my attention tends to focus on "failures" instead of on "successes" the same way my thoughts tend to judge myself with disappointment intead of celebrating myself with pride.
Well, with this awareness and the recognition that my new "old" environment has awakened my oldest shadows, I commit even more deeply to bring the light I have come to know in myself over the years. Part of this committment of bringing my light, shine it and let it be is to expose myself to the world with joy, with pride, with power, and with vulnerability. A step in this journey is this act of celebrating me, celebrating my energy, celebrating my life. And doing it publicly!
I must say that receiving the amazing photographs my favourite photographer from Image Taker Studios (and husband), Terrence Hamilton, has helped inject incommesurable inspiration and excitement. Thanks, amor!