The last 3 weeks have been quite challenging for me. On top of the amount of work that had accumulated, I had to travel despite de risks of our current pandemic to handle some issues which triggered "old wounds". As a result, I felt vulnerable, stirred up, and exhausted. So much so that the excitement I've always felt towards our workshop series The Body Knows, the Body Feels, turned into dread and obligation. I did't feel the strength to prepare, and even less provide, this month's workshop despite de fact that it's with my great friend and amazing leader, Helena Grant, and the topic is such a critical one"Re-parenting of the inner child".
Art by @duvet_days
My mind was telling me:
"Cris, you gotta do it, it's a commitment. It doesn't matter if you are tired, this is life! The workshop has been announced for months. If you don't do it, you are going to disappoint. If you are not consistent and fulfill your duties, you are going to fail..."
As you see, this voice is quite rough, demanding, and lacking compassion. Fortunately, I don't know if it was more because my anxiety was so acute or more because Helena makes it so easy with her huge heart, but I decided to share with her how I felt and my decision to postpone the workshop. It may also be thanks to my level of awareness and self-love, acquired through deep personal work. The thing is, I decided to not go by what that cold and stiff inner voice was saying. I decided to rake a risk and do something different, atendo to my needs and desires. I'm so glad I recognized the pattern and allowed myself to surrender to what I really needed. As expected, Helena not only empathized fully and supported me lovingly but, ironically, she was struggling with a similar inner pattern.
Together, by sharing and trusting each other with unconditional love, we realized that the theme of our workshop involves precisely what we were doing, to reprogram our relationship with ourselves. By making a decision to take care of ourselves, we allow for a re-wiring based on the self-love, compassion, and awareness that our parents and society were not able to instill. This way, we chose to take a risk which, like on so many other occasions, seems seemless from the outside but which feels monumental on the inside. The good news is that, trully, when you decide from this place of self-love, trust, and conscience, everything turns into real ease.
Both Helena and I feel serene and with full trust that this workship will be wonderful. We are excited for January to arrive!